If you are going to create more time for yourself, your mental health, skin, body, or whatever else you decide to implement, You are going to create changes.
No matter how small or big, it is worth considering that this takes time and space. Hence, work, home and social arrangements may need to be adjusted. To succeed in implementing these changes, even if they are only temporary, you may need to rethink your personal and professional boundaries.
In general, boundaries are the limits and rules of engagement we set for ourselves and others within social interactions and relationships. This can be in the context of intimate, family, personal and workplace relationships to keep us and others comfortable and emotionally content. When your personal and physical space is respected, you and others are more likely to feel heard, validated, appreciated and safe. There is no prescription for personal boundaries as they are mediated by social, cultural and personal contexts. They are much more fluid and dependent on circumstance.
On the other hand, professional boundaries are often regulated by employment contracts, office dynamics and professional codes of conduct. However, we all know how difficult it can be to keep this in check, and implementing changes here can be more challenging.
Below are some examples of the most common boundaries that apply to all work, home, intimate and personal relationships, health, and pretty much anything else.
- Time (how much time you spend with someone or doing something)
- Emotional (how emotionally available you are)
- Material (includes financial and monetary contributions)
- Self/others (how much energy you can give)
- Privacy (personal space, your body and privacy/ how much you want to share)
Re-evaluation of boundaries requires a degree of self-awareness; however, the simplest way to do it, I find, is to consider the five main domains of our lives: work, home (children, family members, pets), partner, social (friends/other non-work related engagements), self (menopause, andropause, health issues, whatever makes you happy, mental health). New categories can be created as appropriate.
Then, use a traffic system: Green (satisfied with current arrangements), Amber (not sure/needs further thought) and Red (needs adjustment).
Once this is completed, you can then clearly see what needs to be adjusted to give you more space to get what you need to be or simply to give you that space to pause. In the words of composer Truman Fisher: “The pause is as important as the note”.
In order to negotiate the boundaries, it is important to be assertive. Assertive does not mean aggressive. It means being able to express yourself and being able to show respect to others; it means being open and honest without being hostile or offensive.
Some people feel it is easier to say “yes” than “no”. But saying “no” is the key to establishing boundaries, reducing stress and resentment and limiting regret.
If you find it difficult to say no, practice it in front of the mirror.
- Examples of saying “No” when you don’t have time.
- I’m just swamped right now, so I can’t.
- I’ve got too much on my plate right now.
- I’m not able to make it this week/month/year.
- Saying “No” to an Invitation or Offer
- I’d love to, but I can’t.
- Thanks for the offer, but I can’t.
- I’m honoured, but I can’t.
There are a number of free resources that are available to deal with everyday stress:
If you need more professional input to help with your symptoms, please ensure that the person is highly qualified and registered with an appropriate professional body.
